Water Colors

The Happier Hour

2011-06-16T23:21:00.003-04:00

This was the only way we would remember the night we never bothered to have. Autumn agreed and I was sure that I wanted to want her to believe. At the hometown we wore those jeans that were not really jeans. More of a theme resembling two legs with me in between.

It was almost ten hours ago and I was still drunk on the thrill of dying and the realization I had not. If you try to really think about it, you'll never actually see what it would of looked like if you just accidentally drove past. So why is this moment important now?

More than any other day, I pretended to breathe, took in some oxygen and let it go. You can't make yourself breathless on your own. You need help.

That's when she walked in wearing black legs and a yellow smile. Some version of this memory changes but I never know the difference. I suppose there is beauty in some of this but she sure shines a dark glow. This side of her is never too bright and always a little dim. The way a broken chandelier awkwardly swings across the red window of a candle's flame.

In here, it's both light and dark. Shadows have so many angles they make the liquor bottles square. The men and women in between cauterize ears enduring her speech. The promises, the lies and the truth don’t need to park idle. All three are equally meaningful and worthless. Only a mirror could yield this currency any exchange of endurance.

The happier hour dawned much later than the imbibed ocean sun. She came here to douse the chances of this fire ever reigniting or manifesting behind the backyard of someone else’s reality. She says no, more often then he says yes. The cause of the disapproval drowns a verbal beach assault sans a withholding or a prisoner.

Life’s tongue is so much more at rest with the chemicals asleep. There, in buckets of empty pools, parasites skim the top for the "I love you" liars.

After 59 minutes, despair grew arms and hung on to her with vigorous redemption.

One minute too soon, the whistle blows and a hand begins to burn with the touch of oil in the pan of a Saturday morning breakfast.

That hand bled out quick. Within the hour. Smile.

Do Not Be Bright

2011-06-03T22:13:00.001-04:00

One more time
Try it again
You know you
Like it's juice
Blossom hide
Hive verb
Satisfactory
Eyesight sky
Not necessary
Last entity
Migrant possibility
Saving our fingers
For better work
Dying regrets
A common color
Home is in our heart
If it is not
Just go before
You become my ghost
Hold on
To the devils
Wings with sound
Assets too loud
Will your happy mood
Last or pass through
Don't break glass
Your first time
Let the right be wrong
To anyone this time
Mean to be a friend
Once more
Push my arms sore
Fell the door
Slam and adore
Never break away
Tether the measure
Full of fictitious quotes
But I love you anyway
So many times are we
Out for common display
Save me gamma ray

In Backward Bloom

2011-05-20T18:00:00.031-04:00

I could be under aimless clouds
Or riding the ocean's wing

Holding onto wandering birds
Pawned by an irony I can believe

A memory passes me by
When the wind closes my eyes

The song is the same
When I know it's coming like a surprise

Time's emotionless whisper
Falls like an hemorrhagic rain

Washing me with my own blood
Leaving me alone against the food chain

Just tell me it will all be all right
Tell me it will all be okay

I'm spinning now
When I stop I'm afraid it will feel the same

It keeps filing down
Letter grooves on the cemetery concrete

Dissolving years between the dashes
Where everything else stays

Wasted in a scar healing too fast
It might have never been real

Click on save before you pretend
It was always okay to be okay

When the storm passes
I know there will be dust in the wake

Severing the cuts and bruises
Over the rolling timber's bait

As I lay down next to you

Tell me how this all could be true

And there will be an end to this
Impossible fall of yesterday

This is the fog of the light

Of the moon of the wound tonight

This is the fog of the light

Of a knife to the throat tonight

The is the fog of the knife

Of the moon of all we wrote off tonight

This is the fog of the light

Of the moon in backward bloom tonight

Annie's Out Way

2011-02-21T22:51:00.015-05:00

I want to know
The difference if I can
Between a man in threads
And a man who's dead

Listen my Jennifer
Ignore the words
You could hear
If I wasn't such a blur

Ignore me and my gift
I deploy the unemployed
Without thou apology
Ignore my gift of the bored please

Ignore and hurt me
And my gift
Ignore and hurt me
And my gift

Go it a try
You'll go insane
But you can't cure the brain
Any way

Why are we so impressed
With the dead
It's because we are so unimpressed
With what's left

I don't believe you any way
Jump while you can
Or learn to feel, anyway
Jump while you can be them

Feel what is
Before the beneath
Feel what was

Before what it is

Any out way
Looks good to me
Anyway
Annie's way

Any way
Any way
Any
Way

How many weeks would it take
The direct deposit family's anyway
To receive the innocence of what is clear
Or comply insane anyway

Any way

Any

Way

Wait, wait
Wait I've seen this one before
You never get yours
And I've seen beneath your skirt

Any way
Any way
Any
Way

Temperatured

2011-02-18T18:54:00.000-05:00

I'll be your fever

If you pull me in from the cold

Take my temperature

Put all these fears on hold

Always the last one
To know when to let go
Forever out of place
Broken down into my own mold

Take these thoughts from me
Make them your own
Whisper the words that have taken hold
Break the vase before something else grows

Run around with them in your hand
Shake out all the loose ends
Slowly hand it back over
But don't tell me how to put it together again

I'll be your fever
If you pull me in from the cold
Take my temperature
Put all these fears on hold

Y Is Not X

2011-01-21T21:14:00.001-05:00

You can't slow the long distance drunk when the warning water warming us turns into a river of liquid fire running and burning with a seemingly endless supply of fuel driven by anger provoked by a rotting tree taking far too long to catch the flame tempting the last four years of lined circles spewing the truth of an alphabetical aging process where Y is not X like her hair is not his next prison and baptism is the weapon of choice to waterboard and rape ones mind which was once not mined of its gold undressed to cash out on lives with cardiac arresting jesters of celebrating celebrators pacing in circles without sleep wondering what's wrong with the dilemma of insomnia when life is the bulb and our body is the light you can't look at yet as it keeps you apologetically awake pondering the reason X is not why our isolated justifications steal absentee ballots from the present tense adjectives describing absurd stares from the every man so sure of the stars in a nineteen year old sky before drug snorted files fall into a dusty metal three drawer cabinet holding the hands of my documents on a desktop that mean as much as the magnets on a refrigerator in the home you sold to yourself only to lose it in a card game no one was playing except the unfortunate victims of the same tornado dismantled with a two word signature when really all you want is pleasant interruption of your spare time in the company of your choosing next to another hold on the learned happiness of the simplicity of innocence alone and unhurt but heard and not cursed to be third but not first only to disappoint no one and everyone as the same signs surpass our wisdom with the wind of change facing a life consequence of crooked frames in a sequence of thought between lines of ceremony endured by family renditions based on tragic traditions which become fact wearing the other shade of green over a subtle camouflage disguise of blind wisdom still enchanting senses by a rabbit hat puppet with tariff eyes shelled by consistent behaviors of child labor pains that break marriages before they age into shooter suspect drug addicts and panic attack wanderers in the mall of our choosing just so it can be the dying example of voices explaining Y is not exempt of the need while swallowing the news feed without the luxury tax of sleep or dramamine in universes shaped exactly like plastic questions ridiculing their god's hand of inaction while a film without actors kill without leaving a victim holding on to the knife of redemption worse than a gas light prison lying in an awkward position of comfort while born in a cloud full of separate but not equal lives wrapped in afghan scarves made in overseas bars we have never been behind but adore without knowing the meaning behind the law where convenience overshadows the clarity of elaboration sent down the burning river fire of backspaced letters and life sentences proving our life is not exempt and Y is not X.

2010-11-08T17:00:00.039-05:00

Wake up
Today is not
Tomorrow or yesterday
This is your only chance
To do this
The last second you will be able
To live this moment
Before it is cast away
On a forlorn shelf
Packed perfectly
In a memory shoebox
Buried and overwritten
By new ones
Enjoy the dirt
Feeding the roots
Of a green stem

While the leaves are dying
Before you
It is only this shade of red
For this moment
It will change
And it cannot be stopped
Enjoy its color
Its vibrancy
Its gift of oxygen
Made for you
Enjoy this before it becomes
Anything different
Before its overthought
Leave it without complexities
Do this

Before new memories
Leave a stain
With the resistance color
Of change
Do this
Wake up
It's already gone
Next

Build It Yourself (Sometimes)

2010-08-04T11:52:00.013-04:00

Face to face
Heart to heart
Where it ends
Where to starts
Do you know
There's no one
Happiness fell to its death alone

Will we go
To the show
Look at the smiling faces glow
Watch the world drift by
While we sit back
With our eyes surprised

And in your last
Did you see it first
And in your heart
Did you watch it burst
Is your life
Ready to die

Or are you waiting for something more
Waiting for life to be adored
Nowhere to somewhere
Tell me something I believe in

Face to face
Heart to heart
Tell me where to start
I know you
You know me
But all you see is atrophy

Build it up
Build it yourself
Don't say no when they take it away
Build it with love
Build it yourself
Don't let anyone tell you else

Don't let anyone tell you anything else
Because you know they're wrong
And you're right
Sometimes

One Decision

2010-08-03T17:45:00.001-04:00

If
I Never
Made mistakes
I would
Never make
Any change

One swallow
One delight
One decision
To die
Just to feel
Alive

I move
In slow motion
When home
Leads to you
When home
Is you

The Right Wrong

2010-06-15T05:30:00.001-04:00

I wait for the wrong time

To say the right thing

Will you help me think of something better to say

But I guess there's a reason I listen

To my fucked up brain

It keeps me out of trouble with the masses

Keeps me from blending in with the fantastic

I can think, I can run, I can lose, I can use

But I can shut up when I need to

I can catch it if you say so

But its easier for me to let go

I don't need to

Run into you

Run to you

Run into you

Run to you

I just need to move

Out of the way when you come looking for me

And you will realize all of these lies have eyes for you

I wait for the wrong time

To say the right thing

Will you help me think of something better to say

I know you understand me

When I'm purposely misleading

Confusing the right from the middle

Its kind of fun when you embrace losing

Better than a circle of never ending uses

But you used to this so

I need to take a different approach and go

I can think, I can run, I can lose, I can use

But I can shut up when I need to

I can catch it if you say so

But its easier for me to let go

I don't need to

Run into you

Run to you

Run into you

Run to you

I just need to move

And wait for the wrong time

To say the right thing

Will you help me think of something better to say

Lay, Sit, Stare, Wait, Listen, Walk, Hate, Love, And Conspire

2010-06-15T00:07:00.008-04:00

I lay, I sit, I stare

Thinking of your unabashed silent

Smile

Wishing the past never happened

Yet not having one regret

Again

We are simply complicated

We are the same as the other side

When no one is the sole provider

We fight to the death for loss

I wait, I listen, I walk

Away for the third time

Blame

Is not a part of me

For I am a silent sparrow

Gnawing on the dead of wood

You know you're alive and disparate

So what more can I desire

I hate, I love, I conspire

To walk these streets alone

Emboldened

By a worthless dollar

That has no use to my own

But you can not see the indifference

You chose comfort over it all

I could not betray myself one more time

Without a shadow I meander into the dead of night

Look In Glass

2010-06-12T19:50:00.012-04:00

My mind is a benevolent thief

Takes away seconds by the minute we leave

Bedtime assurances assure me it never come clean

I don't think thinking can solve this unpromising lead

I take my time just to waste the bait

Every last long shore won't take as long to wait

Can't see through your ice from the top of this sea

Falling asleep before I can fall into a real dream

If I wake up in the middle of my sleep

Make sure you never tell me

How I slept through the good times

And I'll promise not to lose you to my mind

For now I'll keep looking in all the wrong places

For all the missing pieces spinning unwelcome embraces

Despite their frozen faces I will wait out the weather

So no one else will ever defend the useless need to live forever

Make It Yours

2010-06-11T22:44:00.002-04:00

Forfeit the desire
Blame this
As negative reason
Churn the stars
Into streetlight wolves
Tame this
Make it yours
No is the never
Not to be used by anyone
Only with this you are someone

Aligned by symmetry
The procession becomes unnatural
Knowledge becomes a burden
An enemy to growth
Shape it in your pocket
Pull out the pins
Leave the meanings intact
Use this to light your path
You can show yourself the way

No rhymes are needed
To secure your getaway
Speak without hesitation
See what comes out of you
Unlearn all you have taught yourself
Breathe in the new shadows of air
Arise a journey to a fate you have drawn
Ignoring the rows and columns
Built only to be in your way

Amnestic Stars

2010-05-09T12:29:00.004-04:00

I see a fence where you see a window

I won't hold on and you won't go

I see a pit of sand where you see a flowing stream

I see a nightmare every time I try to dream

Mornings too slow, days too long, nights never agree

Everyday, everywhere, everything surrounds me

I start to run, I turn around, I false start

It holds me in, keeps me out, pulls me completely apart

When will I chase away these demons

When will I follow my own feelings

When will I allow myself to breathe

When will I allow myself to be me

I turn plastic blinds into metal bars

I throw good ideas into amnestic stars

I recollect, I forget, than recall how it ends

I wonder if I will ever remember how to do it again

Myself, You Or Them

2010-05-07T16:30:00.001-04:00

I am taking in the air
That is no more yours
Than mine
Yet I feel this flood of guilt
Overwhelming my best dressed thought

Slowly I waste away
Wander into the night
Playing the part of both
The doctor and the patient
Disarming happiness with a dose of rain

Maybe this disappearing act
Is both calculated and prescribed
If this burden of sanity is all I have
How different am I
Than you or them

With a push from behind
From the sun's first ray of light
My eyes harvest its energy
It's this transfer of transparency
That eludes time in a wink of the blind

As the Earth turns away
I try my best to drown the night
With disheartening success
The pretty girls dance in front of me
While I wish I was to the left of the stage

Tomorrow’s mirror holds enough light
To show me I'm broken apart
Split in more ways
Than any childhood dream
Could ever cure or perceive

I leave it up to chance
Knowing a bed of lies
Is an uncomfortable place to dream
So I leave the house
And wander into the vineyard streets

In this modern field
I farm alone
Never intending
To grow meaning
From the seed of discontent

No one truly wins
Without someone losing
Not myself
Not you
Not them

Stretching Myself Thin

2010-03-23T22:01:00.000-04:00

I need something more and something better than yesterday yet better than the air I breathe in and the air that makes me itch when it touches my skin and something more than I could ever dream of with my existing knowledge when all I know is all I know and I desperately need to see something more than what is before me to give me all that I yearn and if I deserve to reach for the things that are out of my reach then throw me a rope so I can climb higher or tie a noose around my neck because either way I will grow taller than the grass and weeds obscuring my view of the wasteland that I call this town that I let burn down to the ground and dream to start fresh with a garden fertilized with the charred remains of all we crave and threw always just because it was far too easy to find disguises as both the venom and the antidote of this twisted feeling that stands between today and tomorrow and yesterday while I smile today I know it is held up by the invisible puppeteer whispering unbelievable strings of truth in my ear to keep me alive another day for just one more but just one more but just one more but just more and then I’ll say goodbye to all the chemical band aids that swim inside me sinking internal hands beneath the skin with one to keep my spine from twisting backward and the other to hold back the knife from my throat so I can see the daylight that only blinds my eyes when I choose to open them yet when closed I only see naivety as an asset I have never held but once you have held the sword it’s hard to put it down without pushing it in one more time as I lay it at my side it still calls my name and turns my head around like the laughter making fun of all the ways I can see through them without any thought or need to stretch myself thin but then again truth is a hard meal to swallow with a tongue of lies in its path so throw your road block my way and I’ll hurdle it with ease and all I ask is to not throw me complacency because I know not what do with that feeling but throw me an error and I'll be your shoulder of smiles for I could use another broken tree to climb.

A Fool In Transit

2010-03-20T23:26:00.006-04:00

Digest your television

As if it was a reflection

Of a mirror of dollar life

Never spent on prism light

You harbor my thoughts

Significances not taught

Believe in nothing

Yet perceiving something

We are logic frames

Wrapped in petty shame

Selfish aborted destruction

Not related to in-law abduction

Digressed songs sing to me sleep

With my memory forgotten greed

We can move past today

If we forget all that we say

Tomorrow each day in the past

This silver mold is a plaster cast

Fools gold for the weak interpretation

Disguised by dissolved regurgitation

We are ample sounds in transit

Listening for a quiet word to land it

Let go of everything you have used

Breathe in the toxic truths

Leading you into a controlled burning

No night is ready for this learning

Attack it with the most quiet digestion

No one is above a simple man's question

Floating Down A River of Tar

2010-03-13T00:07:00.002-05:00

As the words fell from my mouth
I knew they would never hit the ground
For I drank far too many saturated letters
To ever believe they could make a sound

Instead they turned into broken phrases
Shuffled around like a deck of cards
Carrying no weight and drifting through the air
I tried to grab hold of the words but this time I went too far

My body tumbled into the rock water below me
Empty handed except for a pair of bleeding fingers
As the red river rolled down my arms
It spoke with the voice of a silent singer

Everything started slowing down around me
The pavement stared at me from behind
The tar turned into a glass mirror of my life
Truth as clear as the liquid poison drowning my mind

Willingly swallowing death one day at a time
My throat began to burn from the flame of doubt
I stood up to push myself in a different direction
And held my breath so no more words would come out

200 Days

2010-02-22T20:33:00.007-05:00

Two hundred

Days left

Wonder if

I can hold my breath

For that long

I must say

There is relief

To know

There is silence

Ahead of the song

Every day

Is the same

As the one before

This is our secret

Now that I admit defeat

I can't find any light

In the darkness of my past

Nothing changes

When you're destined

To click delete

Off The Menu

2010-02-19T20:00:00.000-05:00

We are just falling water

Order in tonight

Light these fingers

Hinder these memories

These movements sing true

New days in this month

From a broken calendar

Found her lost desire

Piled up with the used

Proved to be useless

Fused to open doors

Ignored by keyless chains

Aimed to unlock he soul

Knowing it was never there

Where it always used to be

Seemed into the segue

Weeds of the subway scream

Leave to prove theories wrong

Longing to dredge yesterday's stream

Meaning to have a meaning

Needing life to become a menu order

We are just falling water

Time Trample Over Me

2010-02-09T19:15:00.002-05:00

Oh, Time
Wrestle me
To the ground
Make me give up
On all those
I haven't already let down

There may be a method
To life's madness
Found when the last clock is weighted
But what am I to do
With all of the sadness
I have created

Oh, Time
Trample over me
Rewind your hands
And when I count to three
Take a second to bash in
My good intentions please
For they only cause harm
Eventually

With all my faults
Laid out before me
So beautifully on the dinner table
I still manage find room
For a place to dine
On another one of your fables

We know how this story ends
So just shut the door
While the house is still standing
Light a match
And watch it burn from the inside out
Before you're locked into this crash landing

Oh, Time
Unintentionally, yet obsessively
You bring out the worst in everyone
Naively proclaiming you are never ending
But I will surely run out of you
Before I'm done

Let's Play Pretend

2010-02-06T18:27:00.010-05:00

Live through me like a china doll
Abuse my thoughts until they dissolve
It didn't take much for me to figure you out
Because a simple mind screams so loud

Each breath you breathe collides with mine
Yet you can't see through your cliché decline
I'm a liar now that I told the truth
The sad part is you have so much more to lose

If you think it's funny, well that's okay
I'll dissect each and every one of your insecurities
You can't win this war of words
I know too many for yours to be heard

Artificial feelings pile up over time
Imitation isn't flattery when still on the vine
Saturated with the beer I bleed in front of me
So much better to live a novel life without recovery

I've pushed more needles under my skin
Than when you ended days you forget to begin
I should of known that you would never catch on
I guess that's why you still pretend to believe in god

Of A Siren's Dream

2010-01-17T11:41:00.019-05:00

Every lost minute

Served underwater

Is another second

Drifting to the surface

Leading me through

Another glass frame

Desperately trying

To capture the wind

Enveloping each gust

Of a river's last breath

Searing its own water

To shatter the shoreline

Swimming me through

A burning aperture

Lit afire by a starvation

Of fuel for the mind

Wood smolders behind me

Metal bolts turn into sand

Unlocking the door

Of my consciousness

Without the need

For another's key

Soaring me higher

Than any emotion

This naked runaway

Pulls me closer

As needs dissolve

The glass renews

From minerals of sand

Congealing together

Creating the desire

For another ride

Stopping the hands

Of the ocean's clock

Ticking down without reason

Holding on to the sound

Of a siren's dream

In a final attempt

To keep afloat

In a life

Of useless alarms

And muted warnings

Disturbing nature's beauty

Severing the stream of night

From its own deserving morning

Soliciting the hope

From the dawn's intention

Yet no one can steal the sun

And the river will forever run

Can't We Just Start Over

2010-01-08T21:51:00.010-05:00

Can't we just start over

When words say nothing

And feelings can do no right

There is an emptiness left open

Right in the center of it all

The unexplainable is a mirror

Directing light with subdivision

Can't we just start over

Too many people leave

Before the movie ends

I can't stop the hands of time

But I wish I could hold them back

When phone calls come like today

This is getting to be too unreal

I wish being afraid was the worst fear

I wish this fucking world would just disappear

When days like this reappear

Everyone goes away

No one deserves that pain

Even the survivors are left in the wake

Grasping on to an unfinished book

Full of pictures of what should of been tomorrow

But today is never enough

Until the flame goes out

I wish the love we feel would come easier

Than it does for the dying

Lay me down and pull out the good parts

Push the needle deeper

Map out the good veins in me

No one deserves to have this eternal burden

The dead sleep quieter than angelic survivors

I hope we can all somehow justify trees

Swaying to songs that never turn over

This can't be what we are waiting for

I'll never understand what is left to learn

When life goes away from those I love

Every branch is a dead limb falling into the sun

Why does life eat its own young

These words are so meaningless

When the pain is not mine

I am helpless and painted within the numbered lines

This can't be what we are waiting for

Can't we just start over

For GC

Worth The Moment

2010-01-06T00:35:00.011-05:00

Our worlds collide without a glance or a stare
Pair the wings to hide in the trees
Believed to be something
Bringing only a weighted feeling
Kneeling at the door of yesterday
Pay for only the lives I made exist
Wish I could forget the past
Grass a new yard from seed
Bleed red when I can
Stand back from a cloudy sky
Buy a moment that passed me by
Cry a tear to pretend I can feel
Peel back the skin to see a beating heart
Part way with the scars that never heal
Seal up the ligaments with vodka and crazy glue
Prove this breath was worth the moment
Tone down life to a minor key
Believe in more than just a belief
Thief the boredom from every white pill
Kill these words leaking out of the darkness
Part with my dreams before I decide to check out
Sprout a new limb from the stool of this bar
Our world's collide without a glance or a stare

When You Won't Be There

2009-12-31T09:51:00.006-05:00

When you won't be there
Fear is as wounded as silent eyes
Sized to see only the stains
Drained of all fluids
Could this end the same way
Betrayed by the last one
Hunted in a fenced in garden
Hardened by the soft and gentle ways
Crazed into a trusted conformity
Free of emotion and spun with misdirection
Protection becomes a crowded hallway
Grayed with fingernail scratched dreams
Seamed with bleach stained ribbons
Driven deep beneath the skin
In capsules of forgotten memory
We agree to forgo and imbibe this joyride
Confide in the past of tomorrow
Growing a shell over what is left of me
Bleeding out from the inside
Driving me into another end
When you won't be there

Parts In Pieces

2009-12-29T01:27:00.005-05:00

What's left of our soul is half price
Compromised by indifferent whole feelings
Peeling off like ripe apple cores
Ignored like the tree that grew our youth
Proof that everything you loved becomes invisible
A symbol that all you want is already before you
View obscured by the obvious birthday gift
With a life on hold to a lifeless dial tone
Alone in more ways then we could ever dream
Seen by more eyes than my pretend brother
Another year ends without the start
Parts in pieces strewn amongst the ocean's shells and stars
Bars only scatter the remains with tarred wings
Singing to me like an out of tune rainbow
Outgrowing the old sky I once to fit into
Bruises show the hurt to the outsider
Hiding her beneath my dead end skin
Winds voice songs from someone else's tongue
From beneath the scabs that heal but never shut
What's left of our soul is half price

Somehow Keep Breathing

2009-11-25T20:38:00.008-05:00

I can hear the birds thinking
About swimming south for the evening
The clouds follow slowly behind
Knowing that feeling is all in their mind

With the wind pushing at my back
I move forward through the cracks
In a sky that keeps me dreaming
Of a life that seems worth seeing

This lonely heart beats to a winter drum
Yet it's so quiet it won't wake the sun
The darkness hangs over what I used to be
Somehow fulfilling me but is it the real me

I can't stop from thinking
All these words have lost their meaning
When this dirt beneath our own sky
Won't keep me from asking why

You know this feeling
When your lifeline won't stop the bleeding
But still you tell me it's ok
Tomorrow the birds will sing a new day

Visceral Symmetry

2009-10-29T18:00:00.000-04:00

There are babies in my garden
Growing their own needs
Void of any parental designs
Building truth out of their own beliefs

This nursery blooms with desire
Seasons changing the night into dawn
Without the concern for fetal protection
Accounts of the past are overdrawn

There are babies in your garden
Growing their own leaves
No framework to mold into
No habits imprinted onto the seeds

The intoxication of this pheromone
Pushes the envelope of a sealed intention
Lighting the stage for visceral symmetry
Life becomes our own invention

There are babies in our garden
No longer in fear of being overcome by weeds
Without a god to scare away intellect
Reason grows inherent as the ability to breathe

Knowing the guiding light was wrong
We still followed patterns that were drawn
Yet in this darkness we found our self
It was inside of us all along

Nothing We Can Do

2009-10-28T22:39:00.003-04:00

I’m lying honestly
Writing my own obituary
With disappearing ink
Filling empty pools
That no one will ever drink

This ugliness
Is a thing of beauty
Left wearing damaged goods
Famous for obscurity
Mirrored by holy ambiguity

My mind is telling me
To plead for the nearest exit
In need of common ground
Knowing truth lies in finality
Too tired of pretending to hear the sounds

Truth is a contradiction
Holding hands with a plastic depiction
That is nothing more than a dream
Our self is breaking up with itself
Tossing the broken parts downstream

Further down the rabbit hole we mole
Our devil horns finally protrude
Showing everyone what no one knows
Out of our minds and out of control
Its amazing just how low one man can go

We are sliding out of view
What the fuck is left of me
When forgiveness becomes greedy
I sink lower in need of a new tragedy
If only our minds were capable of such a remedy

Starve a Heart, Feed a Fire

2009-10-22T16:45:00.002-04:00

Every shallow water stream
Will eventually drift into ocean mouths
A never ending successful endeavor
Forever undeserved with inevitability deloused

Yet the chance of our heart winning
As likely as a desert snow
While knowing this hopelessness
Is the only true form of growth

With the premature birth of this knowledge
We are awake and breathing blind
Purging every emboldened realization
Quelled by the inconvenience of time

This overwhelming shielding
Kept out all the benevolence too
Never yielding desire or digestion
Yet ripe for the picking from the hands of me and you

Each time this prostituted feeling
Enters the mind of our solitude
We grow a moth from a flame
Knowing it is our last chance to renew

Memory Disguises

2009-10-14T16:30:00.003-04:00

The best memories
Are the ones you don't need to remember
Like a condescending compliment
Our stable moods were never ending

With life being the knife
Our throats were our tomorrow
Just another question
That always grows familiar

This sand is all too identifiable
With the breakdown of our paranoia
Makes me wonder if our fears
Have always been all too real

Breathing without oxygen
Like a silence in the storm
Division was inevitable
Our wills were overwritten

Who put these snakes
In our bed of empty promises
Did you put those ugly thoughts
In my head of uncanny persecution

Holding on too long
To all my memory disguises
With fingertips that look so real
For another worthless competition

Sometimes it feels like doubt
Takes its time to torture meanings
While the song ahead of the mannequin
Is always two steps behind

I still can’t help making up
For time I've never spent
Just another worthless dollar
That never gives back change

Inside a Bird's Nest

2009-10-01T23:08:00.017-04:00

Listen to the letters and numbers
Pushing their way through me
There is no such thing as innocent words

With our lives in peril
Our faces fall from their perch
Save me from this impossible dream

It's so much more than the money
Mounting the cost of our precious time
Life is worth more than our own self

We are destructive in our meddling ways
Failing to prevail with open eyes
No need for structure in our ruptured mind

I am a prisoner of my own body
Let the curtains fall where they fall
Spill the chemicals all over our memory floor

In return we get nothing new
Just a repeat of yesterday's unwanted energy
Why not go to sleep with your own enemy

Place me inside this elastic cannon
We will fight through the channel static
Aligning caution with the needs of the unknown

This thought is not a beginning or an end
It's a mere continuity of an inner personality
My only hope nests inside this learned version of sanity

Circles Into Square Holes

2009-09-08T16:30:00.000-04:00

As reality slips away
I grab at it with both hands
Letting my dreams crash
Scattering body parts across the field
Coming to a silent rest
On a detuned mountain top
That I built this morning
Keeping the screaming light
From blowing its way
Into my shattering sky
Now I cannot see the poison
That you drip into my eye
Slowly bringing me back to life
Reassembling the limbs in order
The pieces neatly lined up
Next to rotting railroad ties
Building a stairway to a train
As it leaves the fading station
Before ever saying goodnight
Without ever saying goodbye

Riverside Gardens

2009-08-17T01:30:00.000-04:00

Chapter 22

Adora and I rot on a bench nestled in the corner of an empty Riverside Gardens Park behind a sparse orchard of azaleas and an equally vacant atrium. The bench is dedicated, or paid for, by the family of Kelley Worden. Born 4/8/60, died 5/23/00. The once gold colored thin plaque is now a rusty bronze with the inscription worn down to a point that it is only visible from certain angels. This, next to the knife scrawled writing of initials NA GP with a heart in the middle. It looks not more than a year old and it surprises me to see that today’s kids still do that, if indeed it was a teenager. I would think that NA fucks GP would be more societally appropriate as I know that like this bench, this feeling is temporary.

The park slowly falls into the river along a hill that slops down from the road above filled with Sunday cars that roar by with their once a week engines out of the garage. The parts of that park viewable from West Front Street are meticulously groomed. Anything above the average person walking through the park is ignored. Just enough attention is given to prove the illusion that someone cares.

The atrium that silhouettes the river is lifeless for early August. If I knew more about horticulture I could probably tell you more about the plans and trees that surround us, but I do not. They are all green leaves to me. Some white tipped, others blossoming soft red ornaments at the tip of the stalk. Even yellow flowers, some half blossomed, others in full bloom and all within my eyesight. Yet, the dying ones catch my eye.

Wilted brown needles that barely cling onto the fir tree limbs to my left in this dying nursery await a brisk river wind to end its misery. Below the tree are deflated spring pine cones rotting in the summer heat and dying with the hope of being reborn a new tree.

A ring of more than 20 anchored sailboats, void of motion, rest in the river as the wind tugs at their sails. Inside, at this precise moment someone is laughing over a bottle of wine with a group of party goers. While another man sits in the fetal position with tears filling up his hands that cover his face, wishing he could change the past or dissolve the future.

So it is fitting that Adora and I sit here dying, not wanting it, not wishing for it, just not doing anything to prevent it. Time is passing and we do not mutter a word. The silence is only marred by the hum of the central air turbine pumping recycled air into the million dollar condos behind us. With just a small three foot wrought iron fence and a few trees between us.

And Kelley Worden, dead for some 10 years now, who's name will disappear from this bench with two more years of driving rain and snarling wind. Only proving that like her life, even her memory is temporary.

Born Interrupted

2009-08-05T23:11:00.001-04:00

Summer came
Expectations dissolved
In the sand that trapped us

Time limits
Every movement we make
Some decisions are better left motionless

This plan of ours
Isn't me or you
So lets stop pretending it is real

Two faces
Each one I show you
Which one do you understand

This life of ours
Is as silent as the wind
Invisible and born interrupted

Creativity coveted
Hidden from the eyes of idiocy
Sometimes I wish we were amaurotic

I know its the disease talking
But I have nothing else to say
In this 6x4 inch page

The story stops
Before the ending
It's always the truth that gets in the way

Of Watching And Defining

2009-08-05T21:25:00.000-04:00

I remember when the answers
Were spelt out in a name
But lessons always learn

Answers do not always have letters
Sometimes they are self-defined
Like a dream of thought

These castles in the air herd us to bed at night
Languishing on to the least important parts
But the daylight is only a day away

Life anchored me here
And things are as bad as they seem
Days are only as good as you make your nights

While life goes on without you
It is hard to accept with broken eyes
We can not fight the inevitability of science

Words fall off these pages
Like pretentious Autumn leaves
Hold out for the meaning as long as you can

8 a.m.

2009-08-02T08:00:00.002-04:00

It's 8 a.m.

The drugs have yet to dive in

I get a chance to swim in the pool of life

But its just not good enough to keep me alive

But I shouldn't speak too soon

I can swallow away these morning seeds

Happiness comes bottled once a day

Every four to six hours or as needed

Dying days are so hard to just throw away

As beautiful pain synapses radiate through my bones

I come up with answers to questions I didn't ask

While I wait for a smile when the chemicals transpose

What Would It Take

2009-08-01T10:49:00.000-04:00

What would you do if I just went away
Set sail alone on this broken mission
Pushed off from the shore of the before
What if we stopped and tried to listen

Do you remember when we had nothing
We used to learn without a lesson
I remember the past so much different now
What would it take to make it the present

Maybe we can disarm our loaded heads
Take a second to smile away our knives
What would it take to be somebody
I forgot what it was like to remember life

The Normality of Chaos

2009-07-25T23:04:00.007-04:00

Narrow down this light
Strip away the color caste
Begin to assemble the missing letters
Just let me know when you rewrite the past
I'll take swing at the broken parts
Try to understand the meaningless
This is the only way I now how to live
Surviving with open eyes inside a house of glass
Leave your paintbrush at home if you can
I don't need any more changes to my canvas tonight
Clear the shelf to make way for my golden emotion
The spindle will push through with our diamond fists
This loneliness will never go away
As long as I pretend it does not exist
All these splendid words blend and merge
Turning sentences into smoldering regrets
Heads turn as quickly as our faces singe and burn
Cauterizing our minds so the meanings are blurred

Telling Time

2009-06-10T23:45:00.000-04:00

When you reach your life expectancy
Are you expected to enjoy the vacancy
In between walls that we can't see

It has been such a long time to wait
When time becomes another wasted fate
Still we hesitate to die until we feed off its plate

Life has created space in this pace of time
Let the seasons overcome this waste of mine
Laugh as our watches try to hide

If I was still young I would forget this drink
Instead I've become too deaf and dumb to think
Unable to hear the oncoming train of silent things

I can't hide behind truth when it shares my lies
Breaking mirrors claiming to see through these eyes
Another sip will burn away this life I've come to deny

Life has created space in this backward design
Let the seasons overcome this wasted climb
Laugh as our watches try to tell time

The Limits of the Instrument

2009-05-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

Let me pause for a moment
So I can find what we never mind
We can spend another evening
Kindly wasting each others time

We can smile at each other
Hiding behind our colorful knives
Sitting too close to the dormant fire
Hoping our emotions make it out alive

What was left of the morning

Crept back into our empty bed

Left me staring into a faceless mirror

Clutching a handful of what's been said

As the night fell into our laps

We pushed each other off nothing cliffs

Disregarding the empty fountain at our feet

As the water culled under emotional drifts

We have finally found the end of our origin

Calling our names in a blind moment of consent

Our bodies burrow through its buried shell

Playing to the limits of the instrument

Secondary To Silence

2009-05-16T23:24:00.000-04:00

Creatures of habit

Shoot me between the eyes

Or set me free

Cannot take much more

Of the once upon a times

That dim the light left in me

What are you supposed to say

When triumph becomes an unnecessary device

What are you supposed to do

When life becomes secondary to silence

I just want back what was never for sale

As eternity's cloud teases me with its sweet poison

Holding this heart that once was bright

That has now smoldered cold

Borrowing days from pages of a book

Already written without a hint of insight

What are you supposed to say

When triumph becomes an unnecessary device

What are you supposed to do

When life becomes secondary to silence

Preachers of life

Strike me down

Or pull me from this aged crib death

Buried within a destiny that is a mere threat

Living within a wish that I was the only one left

For now I stoke the flame with borrowed breath

Tunnels Where Plants And Machines Still Grow

2009-05-10T14:04:00.023-04:00

We survive

By gnawing

On our own thoughts

But wings never grow

From tunnels

Beneath the skin

Where we buried

The plants and machines

Just to forget

All the places

We've never been

So I try

To find a different way

Into you

But traditions tell me

To slow

So I climb up this wall

To hide from

Your garden's light

Just to forget all things

We used to know

I take a drink

From your well

To enlighten me

When I'm so lost

That I'm almost

On the path to the familiar

I take a sip

To take a break

From this sedentary life

I try to explain

This is all temporary

As it spills on her

The water runs

Down her leg

Down my back

Until there is nothing left

We slide down

This forward fountain

In search of a world

That holds meaning

Even when the river runs

Into a drowning lake

And the days can go by

Without the need to count them

I return to the tunnel

Buried beneath my brain

For one more dance

With these memories

Until they pretend

To come to a rest

At the last stop

Void of movement

Yet not knowing

If this

Is the beginning

Or the end

So I turn around

When days

Become too hard

To swallow

Pushing me deeper

Down this hole

When all I want

Is one tunnel

Where the green plants

And rusty machines

Can breathe together

And still grow

In unison

Like a brother and sister

Conjoined by

Invisible bonds

Unbreakable and elastic

Holding tomorrow's invitation

Just so I can

Look back

On this dance

Down in this dark place

That some call home

That I call salvation

Never Becoming What You Became

2009-05-07T20:24:00.012-04:00

If tomorrow comes
Does that mean I made it
Through the thick of the thin
When the days that float by
Chemicals help me endure
The silence of lonely nights
No familiar distractions in sight
You're just left with yourself
And the evening mirror makes me sad
That there is so much left
In a life that will never know me
Alone in a four walled room
That won't admit this is all that's left
Of a life that had a promise
To itself but to no one else
Bitter and jealous of what's not there
Can't help that my bottle was broken
I tried to tape the pieces together
But life pulled them apart
And now I don't know where to start
So this dim light looks for the revolver
That we threw away in November's river
With the hope that meaning would float to the top
But the boiling water is clouded
By more than what was intended
So I push away these thoughts
Just so I can sleep tonight
And return again to tomorrow
Punch in with the noise of the alarm clock
The shower that awakes me from unborn reality
Filled with anger that never loses sight
Just another truth waiting to lie
I never could dreams of such things
The impossible is always more true
Than we can ever believe to be you
Like a puppet that thinks it's in control
There's nothing that is mine in here
I push away all the things I love
Endure the thoughts of closure
The mornings arrive without caution
I'm left holding onto yesterday's dreams
In a life that is not worth defeating
Never becoming the point of the meaning
No one can ever say that I didn't try
To embrace the good things of life
Now I can walk home without regret
Wishing I never became
All the things I have become
So I think it's time to run to start
Lock the doors and say hello
To the morning that I know will arrive
Without pretending that life is something
That has a point deep in the meaning
Let's admit that life's just a temporary cloud
Floating past a sun that we know nothing about

You Are a Gem

2009-05-01T23:25:00.004-04:00

I have rewired myself

Turned the off to on

Only the known is solved

Letting the obvious be hidden

The face of gems in blue eyes

They sleep with silence

While I wake with threat

Prey away your fears

You will never find the door

The imagination will never cure

Belief in yesterday is ignorance

Adaptation is the new free market

Darwin knows best in a world of disintegration

I look forward to the death of man

And the rebirth of humanility

Echos of Life

2009-04-25T20:11:00.000-04:00

Living through days that quickly turn into years

Breathing through tubes that never grow new

So I pull down the shades to hide from the world

But I can never block out the rays of life that bleed through

This mannequin that fights the daily battles for me

Never grows old because it's a projection of my reality

I covet the real things in this world of transcendence

While knowing that happiness is life's greatest casualty

So I piece together a backpack of remembrance

Dredge up this hill of tornadoes that spin incoherent philosophies

While I beg for tomorrow to replace the burden of today

Sealing the holes of all the true feelings inside of me

In return the echos of life bounce off the walls of what I left behind

While I try to stand in line with the figurines painted grey

Maybe I'm supposed to fade into the dissolving colors

And let the rest of the world rust while I walk away

Stand In

2009-04-19T07:34:00.002-04:00

I need a substitute mind
For all these insufferable plans that I make
I need to change these torn clothes of mine
Before wearing life becomes just another mistake
Uncover me from this disease
I need another hit from wonder
Remove the disguise from your daylight
Show me the other side of under

Equilateral

2009-04-08T09:20:00.022-04:00

I am one

Misnumbered

Force fed letters

And lost apostrophes

I disengage from them

Faster than I can say yes

Your words swallow me under

We are all adjectives bleeding out

Separating the truth from wonder

Consonants running ahead of vowels

All numbered by weight and subdivision

Natal chart patterns adorn the torn paper

Creating a nervous system of obvious symbols

Complicating simple logic to find the sum of us all

Polarity attacking right angles of dialectical materialism

With algorithms written to separate reality in the saccharum

Inequality creating distance between blind sides of rapid punctuation

If only we could see further into symbolic words from the mouths of literal eyes

Stop Motion

2009-03-21T17:29:00.006-04:00

Mold this wax
That surrounds me
Shape me
Into something real
While the trees
Are breathing
From leaves
Silently screaming
Their roots entwine
Becoming mine
As we part ways
With space and time
While I trail behind
Life's assembly line
Without regret

I am renewed
Becoming something true
Forever changed
Blindly rearranged
A life long overdue

In Everyone

2009-03-12T16:30:00.005-04:00

My wicked wings
Silently flap in the wind
Pulling the ebb
Pushing the flow
Redirecting rivers
Running to unborn estuaries

Our ails
Give birth
While eyes
See the worst
In everyone

The walls melt
Before my eyes
Turning
Blue to black
As if my mind
Could grasp this change

My view shifts
My vision grows old
Part of
The lessened sensory
Divisioned within
The envious living

Our ails
Give birth
While eyes
See the worst
In everyone

We all share wombs
In this life of time
With a communal felicity
Blinded by
A borrowed reflection
Not unlike the moon
In everyone

Spare Parts

2009-03-10T17:00:00.005-04:00

I am defective
In this world of luxury machines
Cluttered by spare parts and humbled limbs
Sharing space with doomed ideals
As they covet the wombs of their mothers
Burying their heads in the embryonic fluid
Turning their minds to rust
Disassembling the preconceived notion
To assemble their procreated emotions
While they swim in their own divisibility
Courting any lover that owns a wounded grin
Discounting their lives with coupon smiles

We leave our parts lying around the house
Picked up by the first to walk through the door
Unifying what I've torn to pieces
Creating a puzzle book that holds no riddles
Just metallic thorns protruding from murder ballads
They scream out for help but do not hold me back
I push forward against the water flow of screws and bolts
Defeating the limits of their affection
I am sidelined by this broken burden
Unable to repair the cells in a desert of monolithic minds

Perception Of A Distorted Reality

2009-03-02T11:20:00.004-05:00

As I lay face down in the middle of this living room street I wonder whether we are heading to a place that has an end or running from a place that had no beginning because these conversations in my head just can't see straight when the moments pass by so slowly and the curiosity kills what's living inside while I walk along the edge to pretend I just might fall off the rails that are telling me the look in your eyes that say yes to every dream that burrows its way inside this brain of mine that comes and goes out of focus and often falls into your stop bath without ever drying or developing into a picture that I would want someone to see so I continue to push forward like a wounded animal that knows no better than what yesterday's warning shot has brought into this brain of mine that swells with the ebb and flow of an endless river dream that never seems to make sense until I wake up and only then does the truth make these night lights seem more real than the literal paths we walk down with open eyes trying to dismantle concrete lies into a pattern of neuron misfires that turn my mind sideways inside my skull like an eternally spinning cog in the derailed American dream where the only important colors are these forgiving yellow and red rug fibers that stare back at me with compassion and honesty only inches from my eye while I harbor a perception of distorted reality without a start or end to this human interaction that will still not make life seem more real than the dream I already had yesterday.

Forest In Me

2009-02-23T11:52:00.022-05:00

I found a place
To hide my thoughts
Concealed away
Where they can’t be caught
Now I can live
Without regret
Without remorse
You will never see
What is growing
Within this forest in me

My trees grow their limbs
Dense yet reposed
Hiding the brush
That I know so well
You cannot see
What's buried in my leaves
You can hunt my heart
Try to pull it apart
It's not worth reviving
Because you will not find it
It's just a game of temperance
A cost calculation of worth
Under the pretense
Of risk verse reward

I found a place
To hide my thoughts
Concealed away
Where they can’t be caught
So return to your conformability
Plant your blessings elsewhere
Decompose your comfort
Leave me to grow fertile
I have no need for you in me
You will never see
Through the density
Inside this forest in me

Silica

2009-02-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

The world is black
And I am a cloud of lightning
Turning my paned windows back into sand
Creating a transparency not worth rewriting

The streets discard old limbs everyday
While their memories refuse to let go
Is it life that is in my way
Or have the feelings truly turned to stone

This dirt is no longer fertile
There is nothing you could do to quell the healing
Our lives intersect between the black and grey
Forever yearning to inseminate this estranged feeling

The perfect pictures will always disintegrate
As our loans of hope default into a fractured smile
Dissolving the trust between lovers
Fusing two worlds that dwell on denial

Maudlin

2009-02-18T18:00:00.003-05:00

When I fell down
I never intended to get up
I wanted to let the earth draw me in

When I embraced your demands
I opened up and put my infection on sale
I wanted to start what would never begin

Now I hold onto things I don't own
Save pictures and portraits of people I used to know
I wanted to feel like they were still a part of me

Now I wish away the feelings I used to hoard
Pushing you further away from this slain glow
I wanted to save you from my fire of stillborn energy

I have seen things I trusted I would never see
My eyes second guess the sentiments I used to accept
I wanted to become something I will never be

I swam in your river so I could find repose
I let the water run over me with a burden's blade
I wanted to evaporate the chemicals of this disease

I dug deeper into to soil to find a cave
To shroud all the feelings I no longer needed
I wanted covet the dirt burrowed beneath the fingernails of emotion

When I fell down
I never intended to get up
I wanted to let the earth draw me in

Paper Doll

2009-02-16T17:00:00.001-05:00

As I dream my ears still scream
Feeling my subconscious ascending
Pretending to ignore the prism
Listening to the distorted images
Diminishes the reality of the sane
Draining the venerability from a paper doll
Falling from their disparate clouds
Proud of adjoining limbs forever strung
Running alone like a drug fiber unraveling
Traveling through textile blood vessels
Wrestling the vindictive scissors as they crawl
Calling my name in rayon echo
Letting go of this ugly animal in me
Freeing the empathy from the neglected sigh
Prying open thoughts from the mold
Holding the keys to doors I do not own
Home away from homeless interventions
Mending the two roads from recovery
Discovering the intellect is only faking
Making me the seed to deception
Accepting the faults for their value
Gluing the tears to each arm of regret
Forgetting there is a reality in the string
Clinging to the threads of the past
As I dream my ears still scream

Have Nots

2009-02-13T16:15:00.004-05:00

While I tangle up your loose ends
Hands crawl up my river's leg
Begging like hungry spider veins
Painfully slithering up this lifeless vine
Climbing into bed with concrete emotions
Oceans swallow its swell silently
Violently throwing me off course
Divorcing me from every visceral feeling
Seeing all I have tried to bury
Marrying me to each dying limb
Swimming in the failure of each neuron synapse
Collapsing all of the walls I once held up
Corrupting the sheer skin that encases me
Leaving dead hands to tie your rope's improbable knots
Spotting the bleeding carpets with lost meanings
Grieving over the lost comfort of pain
Chaining me to the hungry burden you sold them
Holding up the empty spoon to the starving
Carving the ignominy into my fingertips
Eclipsing any trace of self identity
Maybe one day I will finally be free
Bleeding out the glass shards I continue to imbibe
Prescribing to a novel way to ignore this denial
While I tangle up your loose ends

Without Condition

2009-02-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

These expectation problems are gaining weight
From bloated smiles receding with every wrong decision
While incidents are confessing their age
Their enduring chemicals are creating a long division

Patience runs low without a fee upon admission
Ignoring the dollar when it connects me to a stolen frequency
Its electricity dissolving the solitute in the face of company
Leaving half of a mind feeding on the absence of certainty

Embrace all the wrong in the words you won't write
I will make sure to covet what I don't need in return
Observation is so much easier than action
Your concern is something I will try to unlearn

I hope I am not giving the impression that I am impressed
For every word I ignore there are two left undefined
The process is just a routine like the decisions you never made
Leave me to learn the patterns I've drawn up in my mind

While no one has my permission
I would give it up without condition
Just to hear the part of my mind that won't listen
But how can I find what will always be missing

Rewinding Light

2009-02-04T06:00:00.007-05:00

My heart exploded
When I found out
It will never win
It will always be
Running
From faces
Disfigured by routine
To places
In this monotonic machine

My fingertips lose their identity
When lies grind me to the bone
Straining your minerals from my fuel
Pulling me closer to renewal
Leaving truth
To confide
In disintegrating atrophy
I hide
In its electricity

My limbs become maligned
When my mind is the contortionist
Wrenching me of conformity
Of the longing
Splicing the aggregate
Controlling me
Like a fading vision
Saving me
From a paralyzed decision

My light burned out
When I caught you
Closing my eyes
Forcing the rewind
Of the self defined
Giving way
To the fake scenery
Pushing away
The illuminating remedy

All Spokes Converge

2009-01-27T21:05:00.000-05:00

The face has seen the sun
Peeled and reborn without skin
Sealed with disappointment
By a living room of city lights
Blinking green to red
Yellow is only second nature

As worlds converge
The mold takes shape
Fishing the ocean
For ideas buried within
Excuses ignored by benevolence
Never knowing which decision is correct

The seat owns me before I sit
Pushing me inside out
Like the deficient gene that hinders me
I dissolve within the pool of indifference
Sealing the door that I pried open
Pushing it from the other side of the coin

As we grow close we divide
Becoming two indiscriminate lies
Both my own and neither myself
We swim up for air and we swallow
The wind, the water and the purified bliss
None of which satisfy this need

The Parallels of Addiction

2009-01-25T21:40:00.011-05:00

She was right
I didn't want to admit it
This need always overcomes
The face of our parallels
The needless
The needle tumblers
The keys that fit no locks
Yet you are the combination
So obvious and obscure
Three disks interlocking
Only one right answer
Without him I am controlless
I know it's not a word
But it defines me
So be it

My obsessions
The hundred seconds counting
All for all
Minerals verses intoxicant
Countered by physical exertion
Neutered by delusion
Family colors
Patched with denim
Scarred by thread
Need me to solve this
Hate me for who I am
Know that I am not this
For I am saturated with envy
And lesser things
We are all what we what
Not what we need
So be it

Love is listless
Never pretend it is more
We interlock our peppermint groves
The rules will always win
Controlling the radio flyer
Yours are mine
I am addicted
To the house I've built
On false pillars
That could never hold this burden
This identify of yours
Of mine
We are what we are
So be it

Forester

2009-01-21T17:00:00.002-05:00

The dead branches pass by my eyes
As I move faster than they could ever grow
Maturity unraveling with each wordless letter
Spelling an habitual path through yesterday

I analyze this detachment from inherent feeling
Pulling down the fruits of transitory meanings
Wishing I could stop trying to reach for the lost seeds
But I can't in this dead forest of wires

Death can be beautiful if you ignore it
Just don't be afraid of where it leads
Hold its hand to guide it through the trees
The disease will be worth every urge to destroy it

The trailing leaves mark patterns with black ink
Drawn from the dead tissue of childhood scars
By artists that have never seen the brush on fire
A consequence of your words in the mouth of someone else

Amphidromic Points

2009-01-19T08:53:00.003-05:00

When I destroyed the moon
I forgot about the ocean tide
When the anarchical swell pulled me under
I was left with something I already had

The world seemed like a better place
Without reflections that were never genuine
When you forget the consequences of absolution
The mind seeks resolve in these answered questions

I tried to reach the surface without mechanical controls
Wishing the moment would renew me like a winter cure
But I had already seen its face before
In a story I had already written

This chemical current dragged me across its abyss
But I washed ashore with all my neurons in line
So I pieced the moon back together
Now that I could enjoy the beauty of its light

Water Colours

2009-01-17T22:11:00.009-05:00

The lights lay down the colors you paint
They shine through my window and dissolve on my face
A prism of contradictions beaming on my head of clouds
Our meanings pretend to tell me the world is alive
A lie of the day

I remember everything that your never said
But I forget all the words you say
When these water colors blend together
The river dyes the emotions it creates
We live the truth

We pretend to embody in a watershed grey
Then was frozen lake that embodied on our bodies
Leaving scars on the breakfast table
We ignored them the best that we could
Saving the young from understanding

Our fingers betrayed all the memories
Our wings clip at the feather we could disable
The bird falls to the earth in an instant
A moment that is forgotten in a daydream
Thoughts outrun consistence

With our lives dying at our fingertips
The end of a day pretend to inherit meaning
The imprints leave a store of disembodiment resurrection
While our grave is empty, restless and void of feeling
These colors betray

The Nature of Somebody or Something

2009-01-17T19:03:00.005-05:00

I do not understand the ability to perceive and explain the meaning or the nature of somebody or something when my mind runs aground on thought misconstruction that I cannot get my time around what is not traditional about provisional sacraments running my intellect into perilous misery loving company of no one except for white pills in the stop bath that free me of responsibility for everything that I have never accomplished and grasps I will never relinquish from my over spending thought parade that tramples the answers before they are built into misleading questions from a heart that used to house feelings that were sensitive to the touch now are cold and graying as the insanity rears its head again when I can only run from this haunting acceptance that today’s night is the same as tomorrow’s light that will never shine on my face again because we cannot live in a world of words set in justified type that perfectly frame a never ending journey with ever-descending complications that I chase with the hope that I will never finish the race for what then will I have to over think and complicate if not for an out of control pace toward perfect assumptions wondering what has become of white rabbits that possess automatic features ahead in the competition that I built myself without honor or wealth to obscure the assuming reality I will continue to ignore as long as I cannot hold the light in my hands or wipe away tears of indulgent delights threading needles through eyes of surprising regrets nodding to obvious winters that follow the summertime memories on top of our hopeless dwellings that drowned long ago when liquid invitations were sent swimming in harbored conceptions quoting someone who could of said it much better from the sole of my shoes treading paranoid landsides that only cover up the bitterness I hide inside this contempt for myself because the person I have become is the person I do not understand.

Failure

2008-05-16T15:34:00.001-04:00

We stream an endless mile
Discreet
With forked tongue
Ravenous
Simple minded
I did so I know
I am so I am not
Failure is
The best part of winning
Without
There is no ecstasy
No remembrance
Just recoil

Relaxed and patient
Tired eyes without purpose
Lifeless for the undying
This journey
Jammed down our throats
Subtly in dispute
We thrive
Survive
Like a fish in a stocked pond
An endless mile

Crossing
Through disambiguation
Saturated
Listless and proud
Saturated
We cheer and cry
For failure
For its glory and shame
It’s the best part
Pristine and unknown

The Subordinate

2008-03-26T10:10:00.002-04:00

Clench me
With tethered hands
Sink your faith
Into the box spring
Grounded wings
Navigate
To the center
Question everything
Shed the pandemonium
Blue wire
Neutral live
Righteous empowerment
Identify the terminal
Disarm me
Command this apparatus
Forever the vanguard
Purple eyes
Lips in disguise
Sanction this withdrawal
Escape the disease
Curtail this distain
Dependant collective
Chronic
Relief valve
Delivered from the unconditional
Willed
Deliberate conscious
Cipher out a lie
Yarn a decent
Eliminate the frail
With null sacrifice
Intemperance
Absolute intolerance

Stop Bath

2008-03-09T16:52:00.003-04:00

When I have enough I close the door
This cunning moment is running short
White light alters every view
Colors turn and blend into you
Save time just to make the end
But not before we do it again
All these habits develop the fixer
There must be more to this picture

As accurate as an artificial lake
Dug deep but void of a wake
I take the time to stop and listen
There has got to be something missing
From this day and from this place
I hate to give you what I waste
I took a bath in a static shower
If only intention paid by the hour

Fortunate to be fortuneless
We curse the sky and pray to it
I took the truth and I took the bait
If only I could stay awake
When life gets you by the neck
I wish it wasn't just a threat
Sometimes time fades into view
It's a shame that it comes down to you

Stitching In the Ditch

2008-02-09T18:23:00.001-05:00

I’ve lost grip on the heart strings you played for me
I am deaf to the song you sang when you lifted up your skirt
We swam in a frozen river of standard time
Where is the airplane that brings you here to me?

All it took was one long minute to change my mind
The flowers all open up for your morning star shine
And your body spoke to me in a language I understand
Each petal out of control yet in command

Back-tack me inside of you
Before this window goes out of view
Please don’t leave again like I know you will
This isn’t life unless it goes for the kill

Like I know you will

This record spins without keeping time
And we are drinking sentences that swim in red wine
There is no Molly in you
And that’s okay with me

Discard to Breakdown

2008-01-22T11:27:00.000-05:00

If you could see just where I’ve been
You might dissect this suffering
To find the answers that you are looking for
Close your legs and let me in

My skin is failing
Incarcerated by feeling
Purchase me a new way
To find necessary healing

Born from rusted womb
Hanging from dissolving noose
Intuitive anger
Wrapped in undeniable truth

With your faith in jeopardy
Am I ancillary?
Condemned to hold up this life
Without a chance to carry

Abandoned to rot in the sun’s rays
Sentenced to this in-between
Discard to breakdown
Rethink all that you have ever seen

Punishment without verdict
You hide me in this guarantee
Only vacant from myself
Would dying again be so temporary?

Situational Contained Evil

2008-01-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

Her second-hand white dress was littered with green dots and cigarette burns. Her black stockings and crushed velvet flats held up her skeletal frame. No taller than five feet, the look of raw fire held at bay by aging skin peered at the man seated next to her. She coiled her eyelashes from behind her long black wiry locks.

He sat with his white tube socks protruding from his tan loafers. His brown bottle rocket curls sprung from his head like a decapitated jack in the box and his beer belly was winning the race from his body.

They were silent at each other’s side.

Into her left ear, he leaned in and whispered, “I will feed you tornado fire. I need this to be real.”

She bent forward and said “we have become separated by this radio wire."

He turned away from this indulgence that is velvet.

A Burden at 6am

2008-01-13T21:39:00.000-05:00

This one. She. This woman, if you perfer, was impervious to the implementation. We struggled to see ourselves in the concave mirror. Each of us bending for one another. Fasting on the thoughts of our own enlightenment. We journeyed into our minds without assistance and begged for each minute that was given to us by the light. Yet she was inside already.

The wax lips and the paper dolls littered the streets that we walked upon. We kicked them like stones and pondered their relevance.

Up and over we ran into the dowels that were positioned in place of the authentic. The roots of the trees blocked out path occasionally and our limbs made believe that they had friends.

One day we will die and it is only because of our realization of this that we can believe in our will to survive. It is amended to the lights that are strewn across dead branches. The smooth edges give way to secrets of long ago. So soft and meaningless, we are becoming our destiny.

We dance around the cavernous hallways that we have become. The signals sign and we are alert. Our spines are erect upon this knowledge.

You can learn a lot more from listening than you ever can from talking. It is not humanly possible to listen with your mouth open. Try it. You can’t. The mind’s concentration is only one fold.

The sparkles above her eyelids were desirable at 1am but became a burden at 6am. Everyone stared at us as we laid on the corner.

The only lie we ever told was the truth. It buried us alive and we did not hold a flame to the burdened that followed us. We could not outrun them. They came for us before we thought it possible. We were behind. The lights above the dawning morning sprout daughters stained with semen. Bridges adorned with Christmas light cars twist above. The candy is sweeter than we could ever imagine. The lights are playing pretend with the others. Maybe there is something to salvage from this memory. Its ok if it doesn’t mean anything at all. Meaning is overrated. Fruits of friends we no longer have next to us.

Our enemy has become our say anything. We are hollow fetuses. Its ok to liter the garden because we are making life from death. Abortioned wishes that bend with the slightest light have magical meanings. We can’t lose now.

Mindfuck

2008-01-13T00:05:00.000-05:00

Our habits render unnecessarily. We are locked in. The mandible is massive and its art form is inconclusive. The slits in the ground lead us to the end of the world yet we know not the end. The unbelievable just became real and we are lost even with our awareness.

The translucent hills before us give us peace of mind and tear away our confusion. She is still in there. She will not leave.

Fault lines surround our bodies like chalk on the pavement. There is not wonder that I am impervious to the thoughts of my savior. This mindfuck is bleeding my mouth dry.

We can not get our arms around the trunks of the trees that encourage this gestation.

Who is your savior?

2008-01-11T10:07:00.000-05:00

Savior Trailer

The Gadfly

2008-01-10T12:40:00.000-05:00

Worthless and emboldened by laughter, we find ourselves alone in this world of disaster. Raped by our own sense of disappointment. They looked at the dawn straight in its yellow eye and gave birth to a laugh when it rose before them.

Sometimes the face we display is the ire that lives beneath the skin of the aged. The gadfly of the disproportioned becomes the mule of their savior. These kids that were involved with the enlightenment of the new rich.

These kids were nothing more than kids.

The little runoff grew and grew as the labored hours passed and the streams dug their claws into the clay beneath. A muted scream could be heard from the soil below. Beneath the rotting timbers and underneath the rusting nails holding the gate shut. They lived there. Those who escaped death now mingle with those who participated in the killing; what some called the elimination.

People find god for two reasons and two reasons only: to have someone to thank and to have someone to blame.

I am godless and I thank myself and blame no one.

Them

2007-11-26T20:56:00.001-05:00

They were the kids with pierced limbs and safety pin lips. They approached the lawn with a whisper of discontent. Violence was second nature to these slaughterhouse castoffs. Love was a lost belief and god was a work of fiction in books of their fathers. They could murder you and then give you a kiss on the cheek. The warning shots rang loud. Warming the hands of the cold hearts. This anthem of disappointment was undeniable. These kids, like marching toy soldiers, were the face of our mistrust. Our misfortunes and our failures.

There was no denying the truth that held their spines poker straight. There was no transcendental mythology in their yellowing eyes. This was the man-made cancer of our generation gone wrong. They picked a fable and ran with it. Alone and together, they walk toward the love and the lost lives of their mothers' nightmare. All the things that their father could not and would not face alone. This is the eyes of our mouths. The tongues of our lies. Bright, bold and juxtaposed. Transfixed by the warning signal that burned out the retinas of their eyes. The complacent pace facing the ignored mile. This was our past.

The kids could see what we pretended to forget. We were no better than before. They were not us anymore. Our failure could not be hidden between the seams of a dream we never had the will to nightmare. They could see it in the way we missed eye contact. In the way we pretended to pretend. Symbolic words of innocence gone terribly wrong. Rage from within the patient mind of the forgotten. All because of a pill. An attempt to cradle the words before they hit the echo chamber. America the beautiful. Unnatural selection.

The blood ran down our faces when the kids spoke. An ideal that made us forget the forgotten. A play that closed our minds. They were not us anymore and we were afraid. This is how I met them. This was no longer just our problem; now it was yours too.

Fact finding was second nature within their translucent boxes that held our books captive and our scripts for ransom. The scripts that we forgot to follow. The lives that we could never live. The seventy-five years of life that could never compete with the one night dream. Success is judged by a narrow adoption of society’s elements. Surgery is only necessary if it can improve incandescent features. Pick and choose.

Only the beautiful survive.

Pieced together by thumbnail screws and armchair leftovers, we journeyed into our childhood. Soft and alluring, it waited patiently for us to return. We did not disappoint. The voyage home did not allow for passage of scars or wielding of shields. The truth was in the offing for us, unclothed and bare.

The Hunger and the Power

2007-10-29T15:12:00.000-04:00

When your hands can’t hold water
It’s up to you to hold your breath
Just so we could have another
And finally meet the brother
We never knew

If he were me and I were him
We just might float but we couldn’t swim
So I just watch the cancer eat away
At every word you tried to say
Just because your tongue was dumb and didn’t bother
To use your brilliant mind burnt by the match of our father

It’s hard to wake up to the self realization
That there are just some things that we missed in the shut up conversation
Please help me I am growing aged and old
Rusting like his body as it oxidized in the cold
Tell me there’s hope in the hunger of the empty mouth

We are you, I and me
So slowly we became three
And everything I’ve ever learned quickly went out of sight
Just like that, were the same shade of grey
Six months later I still can not wash the cedar stains away

The gold hair streams down her face
Like the rain that strings the place setting lace
I can still see you laying there, cigarette in hand
You quietly offer me a castle made of sand
While the sun dances on your closed eyelids
The cucumbers turned to quarters in an instant

They both took something that can not be returned
With a burden of memories that can never be burned
With him cradle ridden and her damned to the afterglow
Both in bed with all the things we will never know
The stolen minutes pile up and turn into coveted hours
Still don’t know what is more important, the hunger or the power

I Am Listening and I Can Not Hear Your Needle

2007-10-27T11:21:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time you were me
And every time we died
You thought I was lying
I hate to say I told you so
But I told you so what
This is the place
This is the place
This is the place
And I will die here

You thought that my smile was crooked
I laughed and shook your hand
Wondering how could I get back there
We were young and old was something we dreamed of
Won’t you come back here
This poison will only kill us
This is a smile
This is a smile
This is a smile
And I will die here

Maybe one day you’ll see that place again
But I can’t wait for you my friend
My private hell has become my heaven
And I am trying to drink it all away
But sometimes drowning comes slowly
So we move on to dry land of needles and bottle caps
This is the same
This is the same
This is the same
Face that I will die behind

You said that I was interesting and something about Jesus
I can’t recall what was more believable
You thought that I was lying
I hate to say I told you so
But I told you so what
This is the place
This is the place
This is the place
And I will die here

Dust

2007-10-25T16:02:00.000-04:00

The pigs line the squall
We feed them natural poison
Love them until they die
Then turn them into feed
We are not the assassin we once were
But my swarm denies the hunter
Without a warning decree

Faith is just a lesson
Learned by phantom limbs
Face churned to sage
Crippling and nervous
In a temporary state
We are not the fathers
Of our children’s fragmented fate

Savior of lost cause
We are the seed of serpentine
You look to me for reply
And question my disbelief
We are not the losing sight
That you patience fails to wield

The barn storms baron gates
Locks up the powerless
This is not the position
Feeding from the slide
We are sectioned portion
Defiled by your ride
Choking on the answers

The squeal is fingernail laughter
Like the sensation of the weak
Poison not for selling
Pulverized to a fine powder of lust
She looks me in the closing eye
And we lose ourselves for free

Badge

2007-10-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

I have been growing pain in my garden
Since the day I was born
We opened our mouths
And the words fell into the sand
The curtain of sky unwraps
Lets in the light of the sun
And the windows close
On our hands and our hearts

While we smile
We hold truth to our hearts
To its conviction
I try to come down
But we can not release this pain
As fast as the drugs in my hand
As fast as the reality returns
Normality reserved
With its condescending oblivion
This position encapsulates me

We are exploding
Please hold me in
We are exploding
Please hold us in

Fact to face
Another mudslide of undeserving quality
What’s your quantity of bottled karmacide?
I’m only against myself
Wear me until I fall from the shoulder
There is a swallowed pill in my left hand

We are exploding
Please hold me in
We are exploding
Please hold us in

Pass the Candy

2007-10-21T11:32:00.000-04:00

Life is one big ride
Seemed with American dreams
So jump on in
Even when you lose you win

I’m only a passenger
So pass the candy
With dreams so sweet
We are what we eat

I’m just an actor
In this forgone movie
Don’t ever show me how it ends
Cause then it just becomes a trend

Counter culture my industrial home
You are just an apartment
One of a thousand floors
Because your life is never really yours

A waste of a tragedy
Punch the living time clock
You could never waste time
When your day is always mine

Just when you think
You think you’re not crazy
We could never live any better
Why would anyone want to life forever?

Refuge

2007-10-16T15:49:00.000-04:00

We live in this nest
With the warmth of a hive
Next to passion that’s waiting
For the distaste to arrive

When we are together
Our minds come alive
All insecurities forgotten
We are just trying to survive

We are
Our own
Confidence

The hurt is dissolving
Like sugar before our eyes
Our minds are forgetting
That tomorrow is not a crime

With hands of a smile
Her lips like an unborn lie
I’ve already forgotten
That I came here to die

We are
Our own
Consciousness

When the sparrow returns
She stares at us with open eyes
She sings us a song of innocence
And we lay down our disguise

We are
Not alone
In loneliness

In Bed with Escape Artists and Locksmiths

2007-10-09T06:48:00.000-04:00

I am counting fingers
As they pass by my eye
Streaming sentences thin
Single file
Trapped in this bed again

Was it you that put yourself here
Pushed me against the locked door
A worthwhile endeavor
With heart in throat
Thinking, could this last forever?

All I know
Is all that I’ve known
And all I’ve known
Is all that I will ever know

Lay down your prison key before me
Let the sunshine in
Be the better turn out
Selfless and self-aware
Don’t let this light burn out

We lay in bed
With escape artists and locksmiths
Thinking we can light the glow
Trying to change costume
To escape an absent undertow

All I know
Is all that I’ve known
And all I’ve known
Is all that I will ever know

Window Ledge

2007-10-09T05:02:00.000-04:00

Defy me
Do you think you can deny me
The air
That I didn’t get a chance to breathe
If you come find me
Maybe then
You’ll get the end you need

Scale of the lesser pure
A trick
To descend and trail her
Down to the sensitive touch
Of the Braille alert
Will innocence prevail and endure?
Maybe then
You can forgive her failure

Slow verve
Riddle me this
When I can smell the scent
Of her candy kiss
Double checked list
This is a self continuing way to exist
Will this shame really be missed?

Life
Of personal detachment
Has got me so apart
That I reason to catch your hint
The burnt spoon
Swollen and bent
Filled with a drop
Of birdsong lament
This betrayal reeks
Of fraudulent intent

Axiom

2007-10-07T16:21:00.001-04:00

The summit below rests on my intellect like a divan of sparrows
As an irrigate of numbers scurry across the narrow cavern without guilt
The starshine is a mirror that shows me tomorrow’s will and yesterday’s sorrow
Help me find myself within the esteem breadth of the river’s silt

Innocuous to the point of embedded desire
She paints me a fashion tree void of design
Ending in an solitary axiom that I once heard
Liberated by the sanctuary and free of the divine

The adjusted key only fits a barren door of petulance
Escape now or be held liable for your unaccountability
The lush yellows burn like rust into the desert sand
My hands are the blade that culls the reason into shards of futility

With my conceit left for dead
And my aspiration churned to water and drained
I crawl on skinned knees
Longing for one more chance to change

If I were the me that I have become
Then this walk would be an escape
I can’t help but to peer into the numbered sky
Because the summit below is so far away

Under the Knife

2007-10-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

Behind the second hand of light
Is a life overthrown
Maybe we all could see the rays
If we just closed our eyes
And embraced the unknown

But life is a pocket dream
Of a never ending burn
Pushing on the edge of frailty
With a white washed assembly
And patient eyes of concern

Devalued and thrown away
We walk hand in hand
Sainting the oblivion
Climbing the silent walls
Removing our heads from the sand

With innocence under lock and key
We whisper a laugh and a smile
Pretending not to see it
Pretending not to understand
That you and I are wide awake all the while

Our Forever

2007-10-05T22:13:00.000-04:00

Infinity's sarcasm
Has become my péché
As I reach for the sky
There are no doors
Just windows ajar
Inviting me in
With a whisper
To let go
My grip is loosening
On my reality

When our worlds collide
I'm desensitizedBy your failure
To realizeNothing is authentic
Yet I'm not afraid
To admit my misgivings
And to find my own way
Home

This disease of mine
Is never ending
Yet riddled
With imperfections
Bowed inward
Yet unashamed
To become new
Fertile
A buoyant seed
The collective of I and me

We are forever
Changing
Subtle metamorphosis
Certain beginning
Half way to a four walled enclosure
Positioned upright
Erect
With doors still closed
Eyes wide open
Left ajar
We are reborn
Alive
We are forever

Quicksand

2007-10-05T22:10:00.000-04:00

Bury me
Under your incompetence
So I can climb up
On the back of your ignorance

Fashion me
A new arm of dawn
Drowned out
By the scars overdrawn

Fear is useless
Unless we grow
So be afraid
Of what you’ll never know

The beauty of my innocence
Is in its disfigurement
Glossy and new
Jeweled with discontent

When I became you
Predestined to overwhelm
With a faux garden
Betiding the cerebral asylum

My mold is without shape
Invisible and contrived
Its reality of its actuality
Is calibrated and alive

Inner vision through one’s eye
Exposes the clock’s buried hand
Hour by hour of virtue
Depends on a lost minute in the sand

Pitchforks with Cyanide Laced Angel Wings

2007-10-04T16:22:00.000-04:00

Falling through the center of my own trapeze mind
Finds me scratching for a way to get back to the provisional lifeline
Admired by the second son of a king like a martyr under the guillotine
I can feel that I am slowly becoming part of this mechanical machine

As I descend, my eyes betray me and design me into a pattern of irreverence
My will shapes this plight and she shows me that I am at her expense
Rusting like a womb of iron, I protrude an apparition of duplicity
The leeches reveal their true purpose and I am brought to my parti pris knees

This confine will never contain me
Ignorance is not an excuse for errancy
You can bathe in your disenchantment
As I dance on the blood soaked back of your intent

Disseminating the illusion of fetal limitation
I walk to my pharaoh who feeds me with futility's amputation
I am belly full with seeds sewn with the dead locks of your hair
I search in vein for a willing misfortune to assemble this blessed repair

This confine will never contain me
I own the key to Papal infallibility
You stir the suicide lake with your venomous tongue
And you pour the purloined saliva into the mouths of the young

Passion is the fear of the masked saints of the heretic
My prosperity can only be torn from the devil's walking stick
There is a bounty on heredity's incestuous theft
Inherit the affection for the godless decree from who are left

The Awakening

2007-09-25T23:08:00.000-04:00

Fastened awake
By the light of the storm
Its rain pounding the side of mourning
Head of thieves
Stolen by the thunderous nightmare
Forever churning the sight of impatience
This squall pushes me forward
Forcing me to grow new limbs
The tempest multiplies to become fruitful
Wash me colorless
So that I can breathe this rain
Without your hand I am invisible lightning
The innocent sand turns to glass
Now my reflections disappoint me
I try to swim from its dissolution
But I am swallowed by the flood
Imbibed by the ocean’s roarI sing a song of reification
This storm becomes tangible
Through erudition I understand
I am left on this island of memory
I am reminded by the awakening

Manic Street

2006-09-02T22:08:00.000-04:00

Blinded by this panic
Manic crashes and fallout embers
Remember the passing
Fasting and sleeping through another insomnia night
Fighting to stay awake in this terror
Where the dreams are my day and reality my night
White flashing neuron misfires
Wired all wrong in this satire evening
Heating my rotting core to unblended proportions
Abortioned feelings succumb to placated healing
Reeling from the stillness in the air
Where all the fires smolder
Older voices embedded in my skin
Pinned to my heart strings
Hindering my puppeteer mind
Behind the wall, scaled once
Hunt and capture the virus inside
Wide open and porous for unwieldy eyes
Lies and compassion rolled into balls of sincerity
Disparity and disjunction toiled behind years of trust
Rusted and aged like the chains of a baron womb
Loom wheel me up in a web of persistent dread
Unwedded and silent I sleep this sleepless dream with ponytail rides
Tried, convicted, and sentenced to a life forever unwinding
Blinded by this panic

Rivershine

2006-02-15T22:00:00.000-05:00

Hold my juniper hand that grips these grateful tales
Without you there are no plows in this murderous rhyme
Scars are healing underneath the sheen skin wristband
Tattooed blame sears my scarlet eyes from this beautiful shine

Lost my life in a card game of chance
So now I back on the run from my fears
Failure, anxiety, and the abided anger inside
Only now, in this game I'm a willing volunteer

Maybe tomorrow will be different than today
I can share this story with you and pretend you're here
I will withdraw from behind this feeble watershed
And reach out for help as a cyclical pioneer

Hope is another word for a lie
Dreams are made to be broken
Life is a circle of one-way left turns
The yield sign is a doorway half open

Not looking at the sky for an answer
I'm don't want to be blinded by sun
I'm putting my faith in an untold waterstory
Because I know that I am still on the run

I won't leave you behind this time
I'm treading water on this sunshine tide
Renewed like the mouth of a river
That opens to a sea, a thousand miles wide

HLA-B27

2006-01-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

There was no indication that your scarlet eyes were failing you
So your apathetic blindness was only a reflection of your instability
The only cure would have been to let go of the evaporating rope
But is reappeared just in time to hang us both from a tree of sanctity

Wear my human leukocyte antigens
As my body shreds itself to pieces
Mind over body advantage again
I stand idly by, wishing for lost life leases

The lancet enters the skin
Piercing more than it gives
It will stop at nothing, consuming everything
It kills more then it lives

This is not the way it was supposed to be
Everything has changed in this meddlesome cocoon
This is not the way it was supposed to be
We need to right this broken vessel because my blood is not immune

As the water turns to sand
And the precious turns to nothingness
We stare at this harvest moon with discontent
And ingest the sacred hymn that sings a tune that will divest

Running scared and exiting from its beauty
I gaze a shallow look through my third eye behind me
It's polarized by the everything in this nothing
Then I trip upon the wounded affliction that grows from your tree

As I plummet down this hillside I too am blinded by the beauty of the fall
These absent stars pass me by without a heavy wink or listless ferment
For each day that goes by a new year grows out of its weighted hours
And the employed bones turn to collected dust in the dusk glow of interment

oNE

2004-09-02T07:51:00.000-04:00

Your eyes open and the only light is the alarm clock blinking twelve o’clock in steady one-second intervals of red light and the life your living is killing you one interval at a time. Hotel curtains block everything including the sun and your not sure if its night or day, but you wish time could stop like it does for that digital clock in front of you, just for a one-second interval.